Directed by Robert Zemeckis

2004

Reviewed by Jeremy Silman

Watson Scale (0 being worst and 6 being perfect): 6

I’m not a big fan of Christmas tales or feel good movies (if I see another so-called example of “the triumph of the human spirit” I will vomit), and animation isn’t my favorite medium. Thus, when I realized that POLAR EXPRESS was a mix of all of these I was horrified. However, I had my four tickets to the party and premiere, and I couldn’t bow out and disappoint my two guests. So, with a sense of foreboding, I whisked myself away to the Chinese Theater in Hollywood, endured the “let the screeching kids play in the fake snow and eat as much as possible” party, and finally sat down to the movie itself (in my very best, “Bah Humbug!” mood).

What followed shocked me, since I was absolutely sure that nothing, nothing at all, could thaw me out of my negative anti-movie frost. I was wrong. From the very first scenes – where the computer animated children melted my heart with an odd feel of neo-life, and where the softly falling snow and beautifully crafted homes dragged me into a warm sense of neo-reality – I was a captive in the world that POLAR EXPRESS brings up front and personal. Suddenly I was feeling that magical sensation that Christmas used to bring when I was a child, and when I glanced to my left to see if I was alone in my mesmerized state, two nine-year-old girls were dancing happily to the film’s score.

The coming of the train signaled a change in pace, but that speeding up of the action worked perfectly as the chefs served hot chocolate (a truly incredible scene) and Santa (in multiple guises) created pseudo-danger scenarios designed to open up the minds of the children. In fact, by the time the movie ended I was nothing short of astounded. To me, it seemed like the greatest Christmas movie of all time.

I couldn’t imagine that everyone wouldn’t feel the same, but as we left the theater I overheard a man say to his son, “What a scary, strange, creepy film!”

What? How could anyone feel that way? I chalked it up to not hearing him properly. Unfortunately, a few days later the reality of the man’s words began to sink in as one reviewer after another panned the picture with lines like the following:

From Michelle Alexandria of ECLIPSE MAGAZINE: “Now it can be said, Santa Claus is a fascist dictator who likes to kidnap and endanger children so that they can learn the true value of Christmas.” – I’m beginning to think that the masses have filled their minds with images of the Iraqi war, and see its shadow in everything that’s put in front of them.

From Matt Brunson of CREATIVE LOAFING: “Many will hail this as a classic, but a better bet for seasonal cheer would be a screening of SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS under the influence of spiked eggnog.” – Yet another review influenced by war! Can the senseless slaughter of all elves be far behind?

From Walter Chaw of FILM FREAK CENTRAL: “That's the problem with and the strength of The Polar Express: it’s terrifying to no end – and existentially absurd for no profit. The force-feeding of the hot chocolate parrots the force-feeding of Christmas to a nation of youngsters…” – What’s terrifying to no end is the way Mr. Chaw deconstructs a well-intentioned children’s movie, filling it with dark and ill-willed innuendo.

From Paul Clinton of CNN: “The POLAR EXPRESS should be subtitled THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. The characters are that frightening.” – Yes, the word “frightening” does come to mind when I read reviews such as this.

These are just a small sampling of the reviewers that put out multi-colored terror alerts over this movie. Apparently, many wanted a “God bless us everyone” moment – anything with an edge being problematic in these post election times.

As for the recurring use of the word “creepy,” I think Roger Ebert of the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES summed it up best with his usual clear and penetrating insight: “It’s a little creepy. Not creepy in an unpleasant way, but in that sneaky, teasing way that lets you know eerie things could happen. There’s a deeper, shivery tone, instead of the mindless jolliness of the usual Christmas movie.”

I should address the view that the computer generated characters didn’t look like real people. Talk about missing the point! If you used live action actors, the movie would be ridiculous. And if you used cartoons, it would be trivialized. Instead, they created characters that look exactly as if they came from the pages of a children’s book – each quasi-real, but also giving us a feel of the kind of magic and mystery that is quickly squashed out of our brains as we age and witness the horrors that humanity wrecks on itself in the name of greed, fear, and/or religion.

Fortunately, for every reviewer that hated THE POLAR EXPRESS, there was one or two that loved it. Quite simply, if you want heavy doses of effective (compared to maudlin) Christmas spirit, a tad of “good creepiness”, and technical brilliance mixed with magnificent adventure, you won’t want to miss this wonderful film.