I feared this day would come. The day when it would become glaringly apparent why I gave BULLETPROOF MONK (click to see Teri's review) what I then thought was a rather lenient 1.5 rating—because I've now seen something that really does deserve a number in the basement. How did I even manage to be caught in public watching something as mortifyingly bad as RED TROUSERS? Well, for some inane reason, it's gotten some positive buzz, and it sounds promising—an exploration of the lives of Hong Kong stuntmen that traces their origins in the Beijing opera

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What they don't tell you is that most of the movie isn't about the Beijing opera at all. In fact, it's not even about the stuntmen! Most of this sorry-ass piece of shit is a promo for an even sorrier-ass piece of shit film starring Robin Shou. It's a very odd, confusing, and ultimately disrespectful mish mash of documentary footage and extended clips from Shou's film, LOST TIME, which would undoubtedly get a basement rating all by itself.  LOST TIME, which is practically shown in its entirety within RED TROUSERS, isn't even worth my time. But its juxtaposition with the traditions of the Beijing opera is so offensive, I have to expel a little hot air over RED TROUSERS.

Shou talks about how today's Hong Kong stuntmen evolved from Beijing opera students known as “Red Trousers.” Sammo Hung, Yuen Wo Ping, Tony Leung, and, most notably, Jackie Chan all came out of Beijing opera schools. The irony is that Shou, when not shoving LOST TIME down our throats, spends most of his time glorifying today's stuntmen, who were never Red Trousers. Now, I'm sure these guys are in great shape and that stunt work does require a lot of artistry, and no one would doubt their courage—or at least their unhealthy adrenaline addiction.

But that's not what I took away from these segments. To me, there were just a whole lot of examples of bodies flying—crashing through windows, thudding on cars, hurling through walls. The mentality behind the making of these films reveals to me something I always find myself complaining about—that things like storytelling and pacing and discipline and real human movement are giving way to incomprehensibly fast fight scenes, editing tricks, and a half-assed approach to just about everything. One of the British stuntmen interviewed in RED TROUSERS pretty much summed it up: “What you lack in physical skill you can compensate for with guts.” Bullshit. This is probably Hollywood thinking that has corrupted the rest of the world and now we're getting it spit back at us from overseas.

I have lamented in other reviews what I perceive to be the dying breed of Asian actors rooted in the rigors of physical training, especially women. I can't think of one Asian actress since Michelle Yeoh who is the complete package of physical skill and acting ability. And yet, when we do see what precious little footage Shou gives us of today's opera schools, it's hard to imagine why. 

Why aren't filmmakers going to these schools to hire actors? And if they are, why aren't they taking advantage of their amazing skills? For all of today's fancy cutting, explosions, crashing cars, and CGI fights, nothing is as breathtaking as seeing these students training in their sweatpants, virtually flying, performing feats you would not even expect to see in an Olympic gymnastics routine. And then there are the heart wrenching stories of the opera students, all of them from poor families banking all their hopes on showbiz dreams.  The irony, of course, is that these are children already worried about the dwindling numbers of jobs that will be available upon graduation—jobs that aren't there because filmmakers like Shou, instead of allowing us to see all the amazing things of which the human body is capable, would rather wow us with his brawn and show us how much abuse the body can take by throwing it against brick wall after brick wall.

Juxtaposing the beauty and discipline rooted in Chinese culture with Shou's LOST TIME, which is so lacking in artistry or finesse, degrades the traditions of the Beijing opera, and that is why RED TROUSERS gets a Big Fat Zero