STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH
Directed by: George Lucas
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L Jackson  

Reviewed by: Teri Tom
Watson Scale (0 being worst and 6 being perfect): 2.5

I was complaining to somebody last week about how much I hated RETURN OF THE JEDI and STAR WARS EPISODES I and II. He was appalled and in his best accusatory tone, declared, “You’re no fan!” I was horrified. He’s right. I’m no STAR WARS fan, and REVENGE OF THE SITH seals it. To be fair, SITH is not the disaster that some have trashed it as. It’s a helluva lot better than its two predecessors, but that’s not saying much. Those rate as Big Fat Zero’s – bombs. And I don’t mean Da Bomb. I mean, “bombed out.”

REVENGE OF THE SITH is a flat soda in a pretty package. Part of the problem, as with SITH’s prequels, is that George is more concerned with cramming as much crap into a frame as it’ll take. You can’t even follow the action because there’s too much of it. And those damn clones! I could watch man-to-man lightsaber duels for days. But who wants to see men fighting machines for hours? It’s like watching someone else play a video game, which I suppose is the point – more game sales, action figure sales, blah, blah, blah.  As a friend of mine observed, George has become Darth Vader. Okay, maybe he’s not a murderous, traitorous thug, but, like Darthie, he’s become as Obi once said, “more machine than man.” Lucas is so preoccupied with technology, his films lack heart, even a dark heart. There is no feeling in any of these films, and without anything intellectual to chew on, they become mere exercises in showing off technology.

I tried so hard to watch SITH as the six-year old I once was. Tried to remember that George was inspired by cheesy B-movies and serials like Flash Gordon. And this is what we got with the original STAR WARS – a souped up kiddie flick, which is what George himself said he set out to make – a kid’s film. STAR WARS was a simple children’s space fantasy. The problem arises when Lucas tries to go adult. His worldview and writing capabilities are much too simplistic to accomplish what LORD OF THE RINGS did. The stilted dialogue and acting were fine within the scope of STAR WARS’ wink-wink tone, but adolescent presentation and adult themes make for an uneasy partnership. And that adolescent viewpoint, in my opinion, underestimates the audience.  Children have been reading Tolkien for decades. And as an eleven year-old, I remember being terribly disappointed by RETURN OF THE JEDI, because I’d seen John Boorman’s EXCALIBUR and realized what fantasy films could be. JEDI seemed like an insult to the audience. By the way, I never did like that Elmer-Fudd-sputtering Ian McDiarmid, even in 1983.

Having said that, the story itself is not bad, but the storytelling sucks. Okay, there is one major problem I have with the story. Lucas gives Anakin a million unnecessary reasons to turn to the Dark Side, but he only needs one. He’s human. This is the whole point of LORD OF THE RINGS. Man is vulnerable to the temptation of power. That’s it. There’s no need for Jedi conspiracies, nightmarish visions, bratty teenage hormones, or screwed up childhoods. Lucas doesn’t trust us to empathize with Anakin’s vulnerabilities. That dark thing is in all of us. We’d understand without all those external variables. Instead of developing this theme in the magnificently moody, visceral way Tolkien and Peter Jackson did, Lucas heaps reason upon reason for Anakin’s turn, and none of it rings true. 

I’m not saying Lucas should aspire to be Tolkien or Peter Jackson. There were plenty of over-the-top moments in RETURN OF THE KING. But perhaps Lucas should go back to what he did best, which was light-hearted kid fantasy. Or, as was the case in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, he should hand over the reins in areas where he’s weak. Without the benefit of Irvin Kershner’s direction or Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett’s writing, Lucas awkwardly tackles the darkness of the darkest installment yet.

Speaking of dark, the biggest problem with all three prequels is their utter lack of humor.  Han Solo, you “scruffy looking nerf herder,” where are you?! No lines like “Where did you dig up that old fossil?” or “Laugh it up, fuzzball” here. And “would-somebody-get-this-walking-carpet-out-of-my-way” Princess Leia is nowhere to be found. We should be grateful that the Organa’s adopted her because Mum Padme is a real bore. 

There are a few highlights, but they are all nostalgia-related. As a kid with a bootlegged copy of the original synopsis, I’d read decades ago about Vader’s fall into the lava and had always imagined what that would be like. And that segment of the film does not disappoint. Ewan MacGregor is magnificent as Obi Wan Kenobi. What a joy it is to hear him echo Alec Guiness’s “Hello there!” Of course, he has much more to do in this film than Alec did in Episodes IV, V, and VI combined. He is absolutely brilliant. 

And then there are the little things like seeing old friends Chewbacca and Yoda saving each other’s butts. The birth of the Skywalker babies. The swell of the original Episode IV score. And then there are the really little things. The Owen and Beru watching the twin sunset on Tatooine. The Organa’s on Alderaan. The introduction of Captain Antilles. I almost cried when I saw the interior of the Rebel Blockade Runner.

But this is the problem with SITH. It doesn’t stand at all on its own. You know you’re in trouble when you get emotional about seeing familiar set backgrounds. On a final note the score for this film just about sums up everything about SITH. You can tell the old music from the new so easily, it’s embarrassing. John Williams used to write melodies. He used to build on themes. There were dynamics. There was drama. Now he writes flat filler music. The same goes for George. His films used to be fun. Fresh. They had humor. Heart. Now it’s just technological filler.

There are glimpses of the old George in this film, but it’s only in direct reference to the past. It’s just enough for me to elevate this to a down-the-middle rating, but SITH demonstrates that what really made EPISODES IV and V so special are elements from another time – pre CGI when moviemaking was about blowing up model spaceships, not sitting in dark rooms with computers. I suppose at one time, I really was a STAR WARS fan, but that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…