This is a review that I just could not bring myself to write. Not because the film was so horrible that it made me sick to think about it. Nor was it because it was so good; I simply could not do it justice. No, I'm afraid I had a hard time getting around to writing this because UNDERWORLD is just so darn.average. 

The premise is actually pretty intriguing.  From the DVD jacket:

In the Underworld, vampires are a secret clan of modern aristocratic sophisticates whose mortal enemies are the Lycans (werewolves), a shrewd gang of street thugs who prowl the city's underbelly. No one knows the origin of their bitter blood feud, but the balance of power between them turns even bloodier when a beautiful young vampire warrior and a newly turned Lycan with a mysterious past fall in love.

Sounds good, huh? And UNDERWORLD really isn't a bad film. The whole class war between Lycans and vampires is, as I've mentioned before, a fascinating way to look at our own current situation - the class system we so strongly deny exists in this country even as the socioeconomic gap exponentially widens.

There's a neat twist to justify the overuse of guns in this film - the Lycans have invented a UV bullet to kill vampires. Brilliant! That way they can shoot all night at each other, never leaving the elaborate Goth set design. It also gives an excuse for the endless shots of Beckinsale posing with a gun, because in the action realm, she probably can't do much else. But she does have good presence. There's just not a whole lot to work with here.  Speedman is amiable as the clueless guy with the unlucky gene profile. I remember when he was the clueless freshman on Felicity. He does clueless quite well.

The problem with UNDERWORLD is that there was really nothing memorable about this film. The sets are great, but nothing we haven't really seen before. The action - well, there's a lot of it, and I fell asleep during most of it. And, finally, I didn't really give a damn about anyone in this film. Perhaps there are too many characters. Or maybe the plot resolution at the end should have been placed somewhere earlier in the film so that I might have some kind of emotional investment later. There are a couple times where it's explained to us why we should be sympathetic to the characters, but telling and showing are two different things. And only telling me isn't enough to convince me that I should care.

A dull movie deserves equally clichéd review commentary: there was no chemistry between Beckinsale and Speedman. Sorry to throw that hackneyed complaint at you, but it's true. Could care less. 

So UNDERWORLD is neither offensively bad nor memorably good. Just a take it or leave it movie that's not a bad way to entertain yourself for two hours, but certainly no fun to review.

Underworld - Kate
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